Mistakes I made on the Everest + Lhotse cancelled expedition

Oh' the shame of it!  I finally admit to making mistakes.  Hard to believe :-).

Well, I might as well get straight into it...the WORST mistake I made was to put my trust in someone else.  My climbing principle has always been to trust one's own judgement and capabilities, because you can never put your faith in another climber.  If you cannot be self-sufficient, then what do you do when a disaster strikes and the support that you relied upon disappears?

Instances of my bad judgement that should not have been made are listed below:

Case 1: At the commencement of the avalanche that hit Everest Base Camp (EBC) (refer to my diary log on sequence of events), I ran from my stable expedition tent to the larger dining tent (25-30m from my tent).  I did this because I heard somebody shout 'run' when I saw the avalanche approach me.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.  Fear got the better of me and I should have remained focussed and ran towards the biggest boulder that I could find, or anchor myself to something solid and hope that I did not get (i) blown away, (ii) buried or (iii) shredded by ice and rock.

My best option, given the unknown composition of the avalanche that hit us, was to actually run TOWARDS the avalanche direction as within around 10m or so there were a few large boulders/rocks that could have provided shelter from i and iii.

Running to the dining tent was the dumbest thing I could have done as the dining tent would have acted like a large sail for the avalanche to catch.  Lucky we were not hit by the 'meaty' bit of the avalanche.

Case 2: Not carrying my prusiks and roller pulleys for self/pulley rescue.  You may not think there would be a need for it going through the Khumbu Icefall, as it is all fixed lines, but should something go wrong, then you would end up requiring the assistance of others.

For example, I was only one day out from going through the icefall when the avalanche hit.  Dawa had just returned from C1 that morning.  Fixed lines and ladders would have been damaged if I was in the icefall during the earthquake.  With prusiks and pulleys one can have a chance to use the damaged fixed lines (cut and set new anchors) to possibly climb back down/up...compared with less/minimal/no chance without the basic lightweight rescue gear.

I've learnt my lesson and will carry it myself next time.

Case 3: This was not a situation relating to danger, but relating to my judgement when I did not trust my own feelings.  There were two trail deviations where I followed my guide off-the-beaten-track.

1. One scenario was during an acclimitisation hike where we got into an area that was not ideal- bad-angled weak soft snow, ill prepared footwear for the area (got wet) and not a clear path direction.  
2. The second scenario was on our return from EBC to Lukla...we deviated from the normal trekking trail (shortcut...which it wasn't) and had to go across the middle of a relatively fresh big landslide area in a side forrest.  Not a great choice given the instability of the soil in the landslide (like walking in powder snow with little base underneath and sliding downhill on each step) and the risk of more stuff coming down.  Staying on the normal trail would have been safer.  

In both cases I knew something felt 'wrong' but I went with it anyway.  Maybe I would have traversed through those areas again if I had to repeat the decision (redoing the risk assessment), but I 'let' someone else make that decision instead of me.

Learn from my mistakes.  Think before you act and trust your own feelings.